twilightprincess’ Neighborhood

I really don't want to offend but.......this is SO funny!

So I saw the trailer for a new movie called "Hamlet 2" This morning I am getting ready for a long day of craziness with the wedding and all. This movie trailer made me laugh SO hard! I showed husband and he was quite amused. But we have done ourselves a disservice, you see we are about to spend the day in a CHURCH. We are going to have our heads bowed in prayer with this song going through our heads. I hope it enriches our day. Yours too.

Illustration Friday: enough

Just enough

Another scoop

I couldn't decide who should be eating such an obscene amount of ice cream (it is national ice cream month, don't you know?), so went for little girl and hairy monster because I'm fond of drawing both. You can decide which you prefer. These were done with acrylic paint, black ink and some brown pencil.

Friday's 13 and a full moon felt

me

1. Me: last night was the rehearsal dinner etc. The tensions were running high. I could feel the anxious energy very well. I have been SO anxious lately. I cannot sleep I am clenching my teeth so much my jaw is actually sore. I have to iron the brides made dress today, I am nervous about that, I do not want to be the brides made with the burned iron shape in my dress. In the line up of all the brides mades I am physically in between Mother and teen aged daughter. great, I got snide comments from in front and behind me. Really universe? Me in between? sigh... I have been fighting to not be there, let them duke it out. sigh.... enough about me.

pews

2. Church: I have a funny relationship with churches. Since I was raised a Jehovah's Witness the inside of different churches is absolutely alien to me. Whenever I find myself in one, I can feel the teeny part of me say "I am not supposed to be here" I feel like I am breaking the rules. Speaking of breaking the rules in church I accidentally dropped the F bomb inside of that holy house. I was not struck by lightening, I think God allowed me that because I am physically in between the feuding mother and daughter. God understood I was tense. Thanks God. ;-) You know, just in case God reads my blog.

hyper girl

3. the Girl: she was so hyper and sassy yesterday. It hurts my head to watch her this way. Funny enough, her mother was acting the same way. sigh.... head hurts more

nephew

4. Nephew: he wanted to ride with us to the church. We sang along with the flight of the conchords CD and laughed. It is so strange the older he gets, the more and more he looks like Uncle Lavender.

taking pictures of each other

5. Denise: She was originally going to just be a fly on the wall and snap shots of the weeding but after the other gal decided to up the price, she became the head photographer. I am happily letting her take over. This woman has more neergy than I think I have ever had. seriously! Ha! She fit in well with the rest of the group, she did not even flinch when shown a photo on SIL's phone of her own boobs. Yes, SIL keeps a photo in her phone of her own rack. and shows people. It is a huge family joke, she never wears a bra. NEVER..... and she wears thin tank tops. I will stop now.

family

6. Mr Lavender and his Mom: just after this was taken I had to get in line behind them and saw and heard the following joke. SIL (no bra) was at the front of the church and needed to get in line in front of me quickly. She ran up the aisle in front of these two. Mr. Lavender being the most witty man said "It is like watching a national geographic special" at his sisters boobs swaying all over. My MIL laughed so hard that tears were streaming down her cheeks.

the dudes

7. The Boys side: This is what I will see on Saturday. I will look over at Mr. Lavender lovingly and hear vows similar to the ones we made to each other 11 years ago to the day. Saturday is not only the wedding, but Our wedding anniversary as well. People find this strange, like I should be offended or something. I just hope that the 19th is a lucky date, and it continues to be lucky for the new couple as well as it has worked for us. Mr. Lavender looks so cute in his vintage western shirt.

practice

8. Practice Run: The happy couple. If he looks at her like this and shows any sign of emotion, I am going to cry. A Lot. I am washing 7 vintage hankies for all us gals so we can wipe away our tears.

what I will see if i fall

9. Remember to not lock my knees! I am nearvous about standing so long in those high heels. I am afraid I am going to fall or faint. If I do, this is what I will see above me. The Ceiling.

worship

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10. Worship: This is Mr. Lavender illustrating how we feel about the word worship. The word creeps me out for some reason. We both were raised with very unbalanced views of God and religion in your life. That you use everything you have for God and then whatever is left for life. I just believe I am here to live, if I really really live and be a beacon of light and positivity, God does not care if you are affiliated with any sort of church or anything. As long as you value the life you have. Still, the word worship scares me a little.

karaoke

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11. The Bar: The wedding party then went to a bar for drinks. There were shots and beer and girly foofy drinks. I had water. I do not drink, it never settles well. The music was so loud and it was top 40 type rap. I have not been at a "club" that plays this kind of music since the running man was still okay to do on the dance floor. There was also Kareoke, I spelled that wrong I just know it. Here is Mr. Lavender showing his appreciation for the singer on the stage behind him. There was also another gal who sang, she was an obvious smoker since age two. Also her pants were SOOOOO tight that is smoothed out her camel toe and made her belly button look like a butt crack about 6 inches long. Something tells me that just because you can zip (I am baffled at how this happened) a size 3 pant, does not mean you should wear said size 3 pant. She seriously had to wrestle those on, had to take hours to do! still quite baffled.

Mr. and Mrs. L

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12. Lavender and Mr. Lavender: we had a good time, we did not stay long enough to see anyone get too drunk, it is enough to know that they did. Ha!

drunken hugs "I Love You Man!"

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13. The night ended with a hug from Mr. L to the new BIL. Good Times!

back to the future

Once in a while it occurs to me that, if I met my children as my own
twelve-year-old self, they might not like me.

Vox Hunt: Bird Watching

jenn
3 days ago
Post a comment

Show us a bird native to your habitat.

Image0003

1 comment

i know a few smart asses, so this is my native bird!

Objectify This!: The Top 10 Boy Bloggers I Wouldn't Mind Banging

So URLesque my newest little addiction put out a top 20 list of lady bloggers they want to see in bikinis. Rather, than responding with some shrill feminist outrage I'd figure I’d counter with getting our own objectification on!

Now, my criteria is a bit different. Since our ladybrains are tingled by a sense of humor and men who hold editorial positions of power (cue Feministing to beat us with strap-on for conforming to a paternalistic competitive ideology!!), we’ve come up with a pretty steamy list…

#10: Nick Denton - Gawker Impresario

Denton is like that college professor who hisses at his students, flakes out on his office hours, and has hipster TA thugs eviscerate your essays. This man simultaneously breeds passionate defiance and a desperate need to impress. Throw in a strong cocktail and you’ll be hate-fucking before homecoming.

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#9: Triumph of Bullshit Guy - Tumblr Wizard

I have no idea what this dude looks like, and I don’t care. I check his blog before any one else’s. If some one were to walk up to me on the street and say “Look, there’s a dude who holds all of the magical, absurd, ephemeral secrets of the internet, he’s right down this blind alley and he wants to make out.” I would walk down that alley.

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#8: Rich Juzwiak - FourFour

Twitty, eager star fuckers. Creepy pageant competitions. A panel of disapproving gays. Rich laps them it all up and regurgitates absolute brilliance about all things pop culture. He has a legions of devoted commenters and says things like this:

With [the single] “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” we reach the winter of Fergie’s discontent, which just so happens to be her Hot AC crossover record after a career of Urban-format aspiring. It’s so convenient that someone as personality deficient as Fergie should slide into the set-by-Stefani standard of pop eclecticism.”

Suck it, Pynchon.

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#7: Keith Gessen - Sad Young Literary Tumblr

This entry has prompted the MOST HEATED EDITORIAL DEBATE OF OUR GENERATION.

At first I argued Gessen was worth a pity-fuck. But then Matty pointed out that Gessen needs a pity fuck the way Britney Spears needs a pity shot of vodka.

After much soul-searching and bank account analysis I realized that if I touched the gilded lips of Gessen I, too, could get a call from the New York Times magazine and several six-figure offers on my memoir before I’m as old as he is. WORTH IT!

For the second half of the list click the shit out of this!!!

shadow portrait thursday

I am the person

shadows
cool
dark
aloof
comforting
reducing objects to simple shapes
flowers fences and people
just a plain flat shape
no complications, easy
shadows are not harmed by being stomped upon
they remain the same ambiguous shape
most visible upon sunshiny days
the yin to the suns yang
balance
the sun is hiding this morning
my shadows are gone
my many forms
I walk along the sidewalk
my own shadows merge
I am the flowers
I am the leaves
I am the fence
I am the pole
I am the sign
I am the person

business cards

I got some business cards printed with Moo -- they are awesome! I love their quality of print, paper, everything. Everything they do is perfect.
So here is a sneak peak...

And here's a few pics of my gorgeous kitty.

I'm trying to be happy.
I only have to survive one more day, but I'm so angry and hurt from the way things have turned out that I think my emotions will ruin the only night we have together.

It's been way too long.

sarah thinks...

that everything has gone to the shitter.
why does everything have to work out so badly?
I'm sick of being pissed off/upset/a mess about how shit these stupid situations are.

It hurts too much.

Accordion dreams

clamhead
3 days ago
18 comments

Dorkiest picture ever

1 comment

I have a few "before I die" goals. See the Aurora Borealis. Walk the Great Wall of China. Learn how to play a musical instrument.

The latter goal has been pursued in earnest since February. And, of course, the instrument of choice is the accordion.

The accordion makes me happy. I love the way it sounds. My favorite bands use the accordion: They Might Be Giants, Oingo Boingo, the Decemberists (and yes, "Weird Al" Yankovic). I guess some would say my obsession with TMBG prompted the accordion lessons, but I would argue that my love of the accordion prompted my obsession with TMBG.

I have never played an instrument. I took piano lessons when I was seven, sitting dutifully on that hard bench with my ancient piano teacher, Mrs. Little. Mrs. Little must have been 115 years old (though in reality she was probably about 60; everyone over 15 is "old" to a seven-year-old) and warbled when she kept time: "Onnneeeeee twoooooo threeeeee..."

Mrs. Little had no patience, which is an awesome trait for a music teacher. When she would get particularly frustrated with me, she would take my small hand and pound it on the keys, screeching, "NO! NO! NO!" And I, more humilated than hurt, would cry. If the sobbing would take place near the end of my lesson, Mrs. Little would bribe me with candy to shut up before my parents picked me up. The candy was circa 1953 "root beer barrels" kept in a sticky candy dish on her coffee table. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that ever ate those things. I never told my parents about this until I was much older; I think I felt sorry for her.

I don't remember how long I took piano lessons, but do remember I just wouldn't practice. I would get by in my lessons, playing by ear, but Mom got peeved about spending good, sparse money just to fight with me over practicing. After my defection, Mrs. Little called occasionally, warbling her request to have me come back. And for years after that, whenever we'd see someone playing piano on TV or if one of my friends would play our usually silent upright, Mom would shake her head regrettably and say, "See, Keri? If only you would have practiced..."

And now, thirty years later, I realize she was right. Because if I had practiced piano, the accordion would be a helluva lot easier to learn. When I first called the accordion teacher he asked me, "What instruments do you play?" "None!" I said. "Never...?" he asked, incredulous, "How did you escape piano lessons?" I told him about Mrs. Little. "Huh. So... Do you read music?" "Nope!" I could hear him rolling his eyes through the phone. He knew he had his work cut out for him.

I was so excited for my first lesson. We started from square one. How to take it out of the case. How to put it on. Right hand goes here. Left there. That little button releases the air. These are called bellows. These are bass keys. That little rhinestone? Middle "C." Staff, G clef, treble clef, four count. Here's your music and assignment; you can borrow the accordion.

It's difficult. I mean, really difficult. Trying to get my left hand to do one thing while my right hand does another and reading music at the same time? Insane. But I keep at it. I practice at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week. Sometimes more. I think my teacher knows I'm serious about learning; I'm honest and earnest. I tell him when I haven't practiced. We spar. He tells me my playing sounds like I'm "leaving a trail of dead bodies," I tell him he's a freaking showoff.

I love it. This time I'm learning for me, and when it clicks and I play a piece straight through without mistakes, it's the most amazing feeling ever. I got my very own accordion from eBay; it's beautiful. There are many accordions like it, but this one is mine.

Bring on your accordion jokes (yes, I've seen the Far Side and the bumper sticker that instructs me to go to jail). I don't care. It's my instrument. It makes me happy. And I'm doing something I've always wanted to do.

Doesn't get much better than that.