twilight lover

I think I can safely compare my life to a garden: I spend so much time taking care of a single plant that the others around it just die. I cannot juggle all of my options. I am left with nothing.

First:

You left me. You left me. You left me.

It still hurts. Sometimes I actually think about the things that went on between us. These things used to make me cry, knowing that I had lost you, but now they make me smile. We were truly amazing together.

But now, I think about girls that used to call themselves my "friends." We partied together so many times, and maybe they had secret desires for you back then. But come on. Hitting on you now that we are not together? It makes me fucking ill. Especially because little miss Nikki was asking me about you barely two weeks ago.

I really am over all the bullshit. All the good things that happened between us far outweigh the bad. I am glad that we can hold the occasional conversation and not make a big fucking deal about everything. But you can do better. We both know it.

Second:

Seriously, on a break?

What I think you do not realize is that after only speaking to you on the phone since Thursday and not being able to see you, I had pretty much given up any hope of you even wanting to be with me anymore. It really came as no surprise, but I cried anyway.

"Nothing will change, I just need space."

Okay, so here's the deal:

I am not going to call you.

I will wait for you to call me. If you don't, then you don't. Oh well.

I am completely over chasing you.

The worst part is that I will have to see you at work tomorrow.

I will possibly be in the most chipper mood of my life, just to prove that I don't want need you. On the flip side (read: more likely), I will cry (or at least tear up).

I can confidently say that neither of you will ever see this, but I feel better knowing that I can at least coherently express my thoughts about the situations I am dealing with.

Show us a brand to which you're loyal.

Lush logo

Particularly the following items:

I will be buying these until they stop carrying them!

Audio: Share a song with powerful lyrics.

The Beatles - Revolution

The Beatles

My dad and I were discussing this song a few days ago in the car. It came on the radio, and I made the observation that the lyrics are just as relevant today as they were when the song was originally written. And he said, "You just couldn't imagine what it was like; it was so different back then."

Well, it is interesting (and fun!) that the song was written in 1968 in time of war, and 40 years later...well, here we are!

I know a part of my thinking is rational. Unfortunately, I also know that the other part is the crazy, hormonal bitch side of me that wants to destroy everything within a 10-mile radius.

This is the side of me that really, really wanted out today. In short: I've been looking for a fight all day long.

Basically, working retail during the holiday season has really grated on my nerves, and today almost made me insane.

Imagine for a moment, the rudest, most demanding people in the world with their badly-behaved, shitty children. Now imagine that they are all looking for a bargain.

I think my day really started to go badly when a customer just decided that she no longer wanted to buy the clothes she had picked out. Instead of putting them back where they belong, this is what the bitch decided to do:

[me speaking as she approaches with her shitload of clothes] "You can go ahead and choose a room when you are ready."

"I don't want this, this, or this." [she throws the pile of clothes down on the folding cart in front of me]

[Now, I am pretty used to people giving me clothes, but after they try the clothes on. This was not the case.]

[me, making my "you're-a-dumbass" face] "You don't want to try on any of these clothes?"

[She walks away]

Now, while I should have ignored this and simply brushed it off as just another stupid ass customer, the raging bitch inside of me wanted to scream and throw the clothes in her face. Three of the items she handed me were literally ten feet away. I was enraged.

This has basically been the last two weeks of my life. PAID MISERY.

I will cut you.

So, before my hormones completely fucking take over and use this knife to stab you or your screaming baby this holiday season, please keep this in mind: associates working in your favorite stores are usually working hard to keep the store clean (even if it is an outlet store), so please stop tossing clothing items around as if you are the most important person in the world. Typically, shirts on clearance racks are priced as marked, so stop coming up to me and asking me how much the damn shirt is; I can (probably) read numbers as well as you.

I am not done with this.

How are you spending Christmas Day?

 

Christmas Eve was interesting. I played Scategories with my mom and younger siblings. My boyfriend, Tanner, came over and gave me my gifts (lovely notebooks and a Nordstrom giftcard).

I spent Christmas morning with my family; it was nice. I got a car stereo and a gift card for running shoes, which I am really excited about getting fitted for and buying.

After opening presents, my family went to see extended family members; I chose to stay in and catch up on sleep as it was my only day off this week.

Tanner came over. Amazing Christmas sex at my parents' empty house. Tanner left, and I went to see JUNO.

It was so good. The characters' speech was at times unsettling (all the slang and nicknames), but their reactions to the events in their respective lives seemed very real and tangible. I guess I don't see enough movies like that - where the plot actually seems plausible.

Not to mention that there are several Sonic Youth references (!!).

Overall, I would have to say that it was one of the best Christmases I have had in a while. Mostly because I enjoyed being alone.

If you had a time machine, which year would you travel to and why?
Submitted by Michelle.

I would go back to before I knew what love was.

Life is tough knowing what you could've had if you hadn't been such a fuck up.